It’s taken me a while to find the right words to say about
the events of the past week or so. But the fact is that for me, it’s not about
the past few days, it’s about the past 25 years. 25 years of learning to love the skin I was
born with, of accepting that I won’t and will never conform to the global ideal
of ‘beauty’ and that I’m actually okay with that. I bloody love being a black
woman, and it makes me sad that it took me into my late teens to realise this.
Over the past few days, there has been a lot of information
coming from all sorts of source about racism, focused mainly on America, and
rightly so given the, what seems like constant stream of black people dying at
the hands of those who are supposed to be there to protect them. But this has
brought out what I can only describe as a ‘holier than thou’ attitude from
other countries around the world.
There is very much still racism present within the UK. The ‘angry
black woman’ trope is an example of this. Why is it that when a black woman
tries to get her point across, whether that’s in a social setting or a work
setting, she is told she is being too aggressive, or is being rude, whereas
someone else says exactly the same thing, in exactly the same way, and is being
assertive? I’ve been there. And the more you’re told you’re being aggressive,
is the more you get angry because you’re not actually being aggressive at all,
just trying to get your point across.
The fact that my mum and dad gave me and my brother the
names we have to ensure that on paper, no one could tell what race we were, so
we wouldn’t automatically be cut from a job application process. Or that from a
young age, my parents drilled it into me that we had to work twice as hard as
our counterparts to get half the recognition.
The glossing over of British Colonial history. We learn
about all the Kings and Queens, about all the wars the British won and how they
‘ended the slave trade’. Then we look to America and learn about their Civil Rights
movement and their slave trade, but what about in our own back yard? The
British spent centuries looting the world, only to place everything of value
into museums and then having the audacity to say they were gifts from the
Commonwealth.
Or the fact that I’ve had friends and family stopped by the
police purely because ‘surely a black man cannot afford to be driving a brand
new, relatively expensive car’. Or that between April 2018 and March 2019 you
were 9.5 times more likely to be stopped and searched if you were black vs if
you were white [1]
, and police are four times more likely to use force when arresting a black
person vs a white person [2].
Or that a younger me was sat in the back
of the car while a white policeman used derogatory language towards my mum in the
hope that she would get angry and give him a reason to arrest her (his reason
for stopping her in the first place? Apparently she had not given way to him at
a mini roundabout – a roundabout he was a good 80-100 metres away from when my
mum went round it).
Racism is almost as ingrained into British society as it is
into America but has shifted to become so subtle in its micro aggressions, that
sometimes we find ourselves asking whether that was actually racist or if we
were just imagining things.
So now we come to the past few days, and the flooding of
social media with black tiles of ‘muted but listening’.
Okay, so you’ve
posted your black squares. Now what?
Are you going to return to doing exactly what you were doing
before this social media ‘protest’? Will you continue to sit back and watch
colleagues and friends be subjected to racism and micro aggressions in the
workplace? Or allow family and friends to use racist terminology, in public or
in private? Or will you use what has happened over the past few weeks as a
turning point to educate yourself, and others on what we can all do to make a
change.
The phrases that have been flying around have been ‘I don’t know where to start’ and ‘how best can I help when I have a tiny
platform’. This isn’t about having a million followers, lying down in the
streets in front of riot police or standing on the rooftop screaming your lungs
out. You are in a position to educate yourself, and those around you every day.
If you can influence just one person, you are making a difference.
So, how can you educate yourself?
Books
The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness
Michelle Alexander
White Fragility: Why it’s so Hard for White People to Talk
about Racism
Robin DiAngelo, PHD
So You Want to Talk About Race
Ueoma Oluo
Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People about Race
Reni Eddo-Lodge
Brit(ish): On Race, Identity and Belonging
Afua Hirsch
Me and White Supremacy
Layla F Saad
I Am Not Your Baby Mother
Candice Brathwaite
Films and
Documentaries
13th – Netflix, Ava DuVernay
When They See Us – Netflix, Ava DuVernay
Selma – Ava DuVernay
I Am Not Your Negro – James
Baldwin
Dear White People – Netflix, Justin Simien
Podcasts
About Race
Code Switch
The Diversity Gap
Pod for the Cause
Causes you can
donate to
And that’s just the start. Use these as a guide to seeking
more knowledge. Pro-actively search for charities doing great things for black
people in your local area, seek out black owned business and buy some of their
product (I will continue to share Black owned businesses across social media)
and most importantly, call out racism you see in your everyday life, whether
that be from family, friends, colleagues or Joe Bloggs walking down the street.
It may only take 5 minutes of your time, but you showing that that mind-set is
no longer tolerated is making a difference. We are not asking you to die for
us, just to stand with us as we fight for what should be a birth right –
equality.
We owe it to them. To those who spent months chained
together in the bottom of ships, being stripped of everything they’ve ever
known, to be sold into a life of pain and suffering.
To those who chose to
jump from ships, believing that death was better than a life in bondage.
To those who staged
sit-ins, marches, peaceful protests, only to be met with violence.
To those who were dragged out of their beds in the middle of
the night and hung from trees, surrounded by a baying mob – their only crime
being the colour of their skin.
To George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Belly Mujinga, Stephon
Clark, Tamir Rice, Jordan Edwards, Freddie Carlos Gray Jr, Korryn Gaines,
Sandra Bland and the countless others whose names haven’t become a hashtag and
who’s families have had to grieve in silence.
And to future generations, so that growing up knowing that
they are valued just as much as anyone else in society is normal for them, not
something that they have to fight for.
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This is a bit of a weird one because I really don't know how to start this post off. When I first plucked up the courage to start this blog I wanted it to be a place where I could write about absolutely anything. Whether that was a holiday I'd been on, fashion trends I'd been loving lately or topics that were more personal to me I wanted to be 100% authentic even if it wasn't going to be all roses. I wrote a post last year on this topic but wanted to go further in depth into my experience with it.
If you know me/follow me on Twitter you'll know that the topic of Mental Health is extremely important to me. I've suffered with depression, anxiety, panic attacks and have previously struggled with Binge Eating Disorder (BED) as a result. It's odd because a couple of years ago you would never have got me to say out loud/online what I was struggling with. I was of the mindset that if I just shut up and got on with it then maybe it would just go away and I could feel normal.
I think I'd been struggling with depression for longer than I chose to realise but it escalated massively around the time I started my A Levels and was at it's worst during my final year of University. I'd always been someone who prided themselves on being a high achiever which led to me putting unnecessary levels of pressure on myself. I honestly thought that my self worth was linked to the grades I got in my exams which, looking back now, was a ridiculous notion. My fear of failure resulted in me stopping anything I enjoyed to focus solely on getting the grades I needed to get into what I thought was my dream university doing my dream course. On the outside I seemed happy but internally I was physically and mentally exhausted. And to help, I turned to food. Whenever I was feeling down I would lock myself in my room and binge until I was physically sick. Then I'd be filled with feelings of embarrassment, regret and self-hatred but it was a cycle that I just couldn't break.
Once exam period came around, the panic attacks started. At the time, I didn't know what the triggers were but I would start to feel faint, start uncontrollably crying and hyper ventilating, my heart would feel like it was trying to jump out of my chest and I'd be overcome with cold sweats. Sometimes they'd last a couple of minutes, others would last upwards of 15 minutes. They would make me feel like I was dying and there was nothing I could do about it. It was when these started that I thought about telling someone but, my grades were good so no one cared to listen.
At the end of my A Levels I'd somehow managed to get the grades I needed to go and study Biochemistry at King's College and I thought everything would be different. My mantra was that if I'd been able to make it through the two years of A Levels then I'd be able to make it through three years of University. How wrong I was. University is supposed to be the time of your life where you're out being social and meeting new people but the thought of doing of that made me feel ill. The idea of being in certain social situations brought on panic attacks to the point where if I was going to be late to a lecture, I would just go back home because I couldn't bring myself to walk into a room full of people on my own. I would spend less and less time with my family and spent the majority of my time in my room feeling like a failure for not being able to do the things my peers did so easily.
By second year I'd forced myself to go to the doctors and got put on antidepressants which, for want of a better praise, made me feel like shit. I'm sure they're brilliant for some people but they made me feel so sluggish so I stopped taking them. At this point I was having a panic attack at least once a week, University was the last thing on my mind and I genuinely didn't want to be on this earth anymore. My lowest point was midway through third year. Over the Christmas break I had a breakdown and seriously contemplated suicide. My brother and my good friend Toni were my saving graces. I tell them this all the time but I honestly don't know what I'd do without them (so if either of you are reading this, know that I love and appreciate you so much!).
Once University was over and I headed out into the big wide world I decided I needed to do something about my mental health. I got myself a therapist and started Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Psychotherapy. The pills route hadn't worked for me and I knew I needed a method of coping that involved re-training my brain. It took a few tries to find the right therapist but once I found 'the one' the process was brilliant.
Finding the right therapist is so important because you need to feel comfortable enough around a person to open up about anything and everything you've been dealing with. In our first session I was so over talking to people that I wrote everything down in a letter. Starting the conversation is tough, but once it's out there, you can finally work on getting better. Working with her helped me to find ways of coping emotionally that didn't include food, found what triggers my panic attacks and helped to me to learn how to deal with situations before they overwhelm me. It's not been an easy journey, you have to really commit to wanting to change and you have to work at it every day. There is no quick fix. And even now, after over a year of therapy, I know that I'm not 'cured' but I'm in a much better mindset now than 18 months ago. There are still moments when the thought of going into a new social situation threaten to derail my day, but now I have coping mechanisms to deal with such anxiety.
Speaking from personal experience, mental health isn't something that is openly discussed within the black community, especially if you have had a relatively normal upbringing and 'have nothing to complain about'. Being seen as 'strong' is highly valued and 'things should always be kept within the family'. But, it's great to see so many of my generation breaking down the barriers and making mental health less taboo.
I make it my mission to let anyone know, no matter if I haven't spoken to you in years or I just met you yesterday, if you need to talk, I'm always hear to listen. I know the feeling of thinking it will never get better but, trust me, it does. It will get better. And talking is how it starts. Find someone you trust, whether that be a family member, close friend or even your doctor and start to open up. It's difficult but you will feel that much better for it and you'll have someone in a better position to help you or find help for you.
I appreciate that not everyone can either afford to have a therapist or can find someone they trust to talk to. Below I've linked some charities that can help. They may have hotlines you can call that don't show up on your phone bill or, in the case of Samaritans, they have an email address you can contact anonymously and they'll aim to respond to you as quickly as possible.
Just know that you are not alone. 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience some kind of mental health problem each year and 1 in 6 people in England experience a common mental health problem every week*. Chances are, you've come across someone who has suffered from or is suffering from mental health issues and you didn't even realise it.
Till the next time
Fran x
*stats from Mind
By second year I'd forced myself to go to the doctors and got put on antidepressants which, for want of a better praise, made me feel like shit. I'm sure they're brilliant for some people but they made me feel so sluggish so I stopped taking them. At this point I was having a panic attack at least once a week, University was the last thing on my mind and I genuinely didn't want to be on this earth anymore. My lowest point was midway through third year. Over the Christmas break I had a breakdown and seriously contemplated suicide. My brother and my good friend Toni were my saving graces. I tell them this all the time but I honestly don't know what I'd do without them (so if either of you are reading this, know that I love and appreciate you so much!).
Once University was over and I headed out into the big wide world I decided I needed to do something about my mental health. I got myself a therapist and started Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Psychotherapy. The pills route hadn't worked for me and I knew I needed a method of coping that involved re-training my brain. It took a few tries to find the right therapist but once I found 'the one' the process was brilliant.
Finding the right therapist is so important because you need to feel comfortable enough around a person to open up about anything and everything you've been dealing with. In our first session I was so over talking to people that I wrote everything down in a letter. Starting the conversation is tough, but once it's out there, you can finally work on getting better. Working with her helped me to find ways of coping emotionally that didn't include food, found what triggers my panic attacks and helped to me to learn how to deal with situations before they overwhelm me. It's not been an easy journey, you have to really commit to wanting to change and you have to work at it every day. There is no quick fix. And even now, after over a year of therapy, I know that I'm not 'cured' but I'm in a much better mindset now than 18 months ago. There are still moments when the thought of going into a new social situation threaten to derail my day, but now I have coping mechanisms to deal with such anxiety.
Speaking from personal experience, mental health isn't something that is openly discussed within the black community, especially if you have had a relatively normal upbringing and 'have nothing to complain about'. Being seen as 'strong' is highly valued and 'things should always be kept within the family'. But, it's great to see so many of my generation breaking down the barriers and making mental health less taboo.
I make it my mission to let anyone know, no matter if I haven't spoken to you in years or I just met you yesterday, if you need to talk, I'm always hear to listen. I know the feeling of thinking it will never get better but, trust me, it does. It will get better. And talking is how it starts. Find someone you trust, whether that be a family member, close friend or even your doctor and start to open up. It's difficult but you will feel that much better for it and you'll have someone in a better position to help you or find help for you.
I appreciate that not everyone can either afford to have a therapist or can find someone they trust to talk to. Below I've linked some charities that can help. They may have hotlines you can call that don't show up on your phone bill or, in the case of Samaritans, they have an email address you can contact anonymously and they'll aim to respond to you as quickly as possible.
Just know that you are not alone. 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience some kind of mental health problem each year and 1 in 6 people in England experience a common mental health problem every week*. Chances are, you've come across someone who has suffered from or is suffering from mental health issues and you didn't even realise it.
Till the next time
Fran x
*stats from Mind
I'm back with another Music Monday, finally! I took a bit of a break from the internet for a while over Christmas and then had a tough start to the year but I'm back on the blog and back to hopefully posting much more frequently than I managed to do last year. So, here's the lowdown on five songs I've been loving recently.
1. Finders Keepers - Mabel ft. Kojo Funds
Ask anyone who knows me and they'll tell you I've been obsessed with this song for months. I rarely listen to the charts nowadays (I'm more into Magic Soul and Heart 80's - I'm an old woman at heart) but for some reason this song gives me 90's RnB vibes and I'm here for it.
2. God's Plan - Drake
I feel like it's 2012 and I'm madly in love with Drake all over again. I loved his early stuff then kind of fell out of love with his music for a bit but then he brought out his latest EP and I'm loving it. The video for this song just cemented the fact that Drake is up there as one of my favourite celebrities.
3. Dangerously In Love - Beyonce
This came up on my Spotify playlist the other week and I wondered why I hadn't listened to it in so long. It's an absolutely beautiful song and well Beyonce is Beyonce. There's a performance she did where she rips of her earrings because she gets so into it and I'm like GET IT GIRLLLLL. I wish she'd perform this more but seeing as her back catalogue is expansive to say the least and she has a limited amount of time on stage, it's not really surprising that she doesn't.
4. Anything from Hamilton. And I literally mean anything.
I finally got to see Hamilton the other week, almost a year to the day from booking my tickets. And I was not disappointed. It was truly an experience like no other and I'm so looking forward to going to see it again very soon. I loved the soundtrack before seeing it but, finally being able to see it performed live gave me whole new appreciation for the soundtrack and I've had it on repeat for the past couple of weeks. Right Hand Man and Satisfied are probably my two favourites. I would 100% recommend everyone go and grab a ticket if you can. You will be singing the songs for months afterwards.
5. I Found Lovin' - Fatback Band
An oldie but a goodie. I grew up on music from the 70's and 80's thanks to being my mum's sidekick for the first 11 years of my life, so it's only natural that a lot of that music has filtered into what I listen to today. I literally have entire playlists dedicated to that era but anything from Earth Wind and Fire or this song by Fatback Band are definitely up there as some of my favourite songs of all time. I picked this one because it's been on my in car playlist for a while and you just can't help but dance along when you hear it. If you want to be put in a good mood then pop this on and your day will brighten almost immediately!
So, that's my five favourite songs for March. It's honestly getting harder and harder to pick just 5 songs each month. I literally feel like I'm picking between my (non-existent) children (drama queen right there). Although, I did cheat by putting the entire soundtrack to Hamilton in here but it's my list so I can do what I want! On a side note - can you believe March is almost over already. January felt like it went on for at least 6 weeks but February and March just flew. Once April starts I want to definitely want to try to be more consistent with the blog posts so let me know if there's anything you'd like to see a post on.
Until next time
Fran
2. God's Plan - Drake
3. Dangerously In Love - Beyonce
4. Anything from Hamilton. And I literally mean anything.
5. I Found Lovin' - Fatback Band
An oldie but a goodie. I grew up on music from the 70's and 80's thanks to being my mum's sidekick for the first 11 years of my life, so it's only natural that a lot of that music has filtered into what I listen to today. I literally have entire playlists dedicated to that era but anything from Earth Wind and Fire or this song by Fatback Band are definitely up there as some of my favourite songs of all time. I picked this one because it's been on my in car playlist for a while and you just can't help but dance along when you hear it. If you want to be put in a good mood then pop this on and your day will brighten almost immediately!
So, that's my five favourite songs for March. It's honestly getting harder and harder to pick just 5 songs each month. I literally feel like I'm picking between my (non-existent) children (drama queen right there). Although, I did cheat by putting the entire soundtrack to Hamilton in here but it's my list so I can do what I want! On a side note - can you believe March is almost over already. January felt like it went on for at least 6 weeks but February and March just flew. Once April starts I want to definitely want to try to be more consistent with the blog posts so let me know if there's anything you'd like to see a post on.
Until next time
Fran
Ahh Instagram. My favourite place to take in content at the moment. I'm sure I'm not the only one who spends half their life scrolling down their Insta feed to check out what's new in the world of Fashion and Beauty. I even get my travel and home inspiration from there now. It truly is a one-stop shop for any kind of inspiration and the best thing is, even if the algorithm is being a pain at the moment, you can truly curate your feed to view what you enjoy. With that being said, when I first started reading blogs and watching Youtube, everyone that was gaining publicity was white. Now there's absolutely nothing wrong with that but I always yearned for a Blogger or Youtuber who looked like me. Someone who I could go to when I was looking for makeup reviews (we all know makeup looks different depending on your skin colour), or just someone who I felt some kind of attachment to. On Youtube I was lucky enough to discover the likes of Patricia Bright and Jackie Aina before they blew up into the phenomenons they are today and, over time, both my Youtube subscription box and my Instagram feed has become awash with Black Girl Magic and I'm here for it.
So, on that note, today I'm going to share with you my Top 8 Instagram Feeds that scream Black Girl Magic to me. These feeds are definitely what I'd call 'goals' and I get so much fashion and just general life inspo every time I look at these! These girls have got their Instagram game on point.
@cocobassey
A mixture of fashion, food, beauty and everything in between. Coco is redefining what it means to be a millennial and I'm here for it. Her style is simple, classic and feminine with an edge and she feels super relatable.
@melissaswardrobe
Melissa is honestly one of the funniest people to follow on Instagram. Her #Cantkillmyself hashtag started a mini movement and with a personality like hers, you can't help but love her. A Celebrity Stylist by day, she knows how to put an outfit together and it helps that she knows all the best food spots too!
@kahlanabarfield
InStyle Editor Kahlana has the most amazing style. I don't know if I'd ever be confident enough to wear some of the pieces she wears but I still think they're absolutely incredible. A very edgy but still feminine vibe, she is not afraid of colour or patterns. I can only dream of being on her level one day!
@shionat
Shiona - Stylist, Consultant, Editor extraordinaire. The definition of a Girl Boss if there ever was one. If I could pick one persons wardrobe to shop from for the rest of my life, hers would definitely be high up my list. She is effortlessly chic and makes even the most simple of outfits look like they cost a million dollars.
@serrabellum
This feed just screams high fashion and luxury to me. I believe she splits her time between London and Lagos and I love the contrast in styles that that brings on her Instagram. I've always wanted to visit Nigeria and I now have a list of places to visit when I go thanks to her feed!
@asiyami_gold
Asiyami's Instagram Bio describes herself as a Visual Storyteller and, from the amazing photography she displays on there, I have to say she truly is. You really feel that there is a story behind every picture she posts and the composition of each photo is on point. If my Insta feed could be half as good as hers I'd be over the moon.
@kyrzayda_
Kyrzayda has one of the sweetest souls in the online world. She was relatively recently diagnosed with cancer and her positive outlook on life and strength is something to be truly admired. I love how she takes trend pieces and gives them a whole new life. And her dedication to fitness puts pretty much everyone to shame.
@simplycyn
Colour, colour and more colour. The amount of colour Cynthia incorporates into her feed is striking. She's not afraid of rocking bold bright colours and she looks phenomenal in them. I'm definitely going to try and not shy away from bright colours this season. She is also natural hair goals!
That's just 8 of the black female creators I've discovered over the years. Everyday I love finding new creators of all sizes to give me inspiration in my day to day life so let me know if you have any creators, big or small, that you think I should check out.
Love,
Fran
Christmas is finally on it's way! This whole time of year makes me so unbelievably happy. From the beginning of November till the end of January I'm pretty much celebrating every weekend what with my birthday, my Dad's birthday, the festive period and then my Brother's birthday. It also means that I've got to get my Christmas shopping done ASAP before my time runs out and I'm running around Westfield like a headless chicken on Christmas Eve (yes, I've done this before). So, me being my super organised, non-headless self this year thought I'd put together a little (read huge) gift guide of what I think are some of the best things to grab for a loved on this Christmas. This post is going to be for the us girls and, hopefully, next week I'll have one up for the gents. I've tried to find items that span from budget to high end so there's something for everyone.
BEAUTY
This category is probably my favourite when it comes to Christmas presents. Pretty much every brand brings out gorgeous gift sets and mini's of there best selling products which makes it the perfect time to try out new things. For example, Peter Thomas Roth bring out a version of their Holiday Mask Kit every year and that's a great way for someone to try out a whole load of masks without having to fork out a huge amount of money (my fave PTR mask is £56 a pot FYI). Brands like Dior and Mac have limited edition sets but, especially with Mac, you have to move fast because they tend to sell out so quickly. Places like Debenhams, Selfridges and Harrods stock pretty much all the beauty brands so are probably the best places to look for gifts.
A classic staple palette can also make a great gift. Generally, it's a good idea to stick to more classic colours unless you know the person is either a Makeup Junkie and collects every palette under the sun or they're really into the more quirky colour combinations. Urban Decay have an amazing range of palettes with both warm and cool tones so there's something for everyone. Anastasia Beverly Hill's Modern Renaissance palette is also an all time favourite of mine.
If a gift set or palette isn't what you're looking for, then a luxury lipstick is always a good idea. They can be very expensive - Christian Louboutin I'm looking at you - but they can make the wearer feel so special. The packaging is gorgeous and they never look bad on a girls dressing table. I'm a personal fan of the YSL Rouge Volupté range but Tom Ford, Givenchy and Burberry also do great ranges.
BATH AND BODY
Now, I don't know if it's just my Mum and I (hello Mum if you're reading!), but we absolutely love getting bath stuff as gifts. We're suckers for anything that smells good. And I mean anything. The amount of bath bombs, body lotions, shower gels and soaps we have is probably enough to cater for an entire town. There's nothing quite like jumping into a hot bath after a long day and coming out smelling amazing. Philosophy, Jo Malone, Laura Mercier, The Body Shop and Lush all do great individual items and sets perfect for gifting.
PERFUME
I feel like perfume is a massively personal gift so I'd say only buy this if you have a good idea of what the person likes. A lot of brands do box sets that consist of the perfume and a shower gel/body cream or an item along those lines. Tom Ford have beautiful scents and sell some of them with a lipstick included for that additional treat. Chanel is another iconic brand that most women would love to own a perfume from. Again, Jo Malone also do some gorgeous scents that match most of their candles so, if you're feeling kind, you could get the matching perfume and candle (this is a massive hint to a particular person. I'll take the Velvet Rose and Oud thank you!)
CANDLES
Sticking to the theme of things that smell nice, candles are always a good shout if you're struggling to think of what to buy. They're less personal than perfume but good enough to make it look like you've made an effort. Jo Malone, Diptyque, Yankee Candle, Neom and The White Company are all good places to look, with candles ranging from £10 to £300. However, I personally love looking in TK Maxx. They stock such a wide variety of brands that it's almost guaranteed that they'll have something for everyone and you end up finding brands you'd never even heard of before. My favourite brands they stock are Pecksniff's, DW Home and Olivia Blake - almost an absolute dead ringer for Jo Malone candle packaging.
JEWELLERY
Now, straight off the bat, only buy jewellery if you a) know what colour jewellery they like to wear and b) know that they're not allergic to any materials. Pandora have a great Christmas Jewellery range with my favourite piece being these earrings but their normal range is just as good and their pricing is very reasonable. Charm bracelets always make good gifts because you can add new charms for each special event so it acts like a timeline of the wearers life. Kate Spade and Michael Kors also do great classic and costume jewellery, although they are slightly more expensive than Pandora. Links of London and blogger favourite Missoma sell more classic pieces that can be worn on a day-to-day basis. Then you have Tiffany and Cartier, neither of which are ever bad places to look if your pockets are deep enough. Tiffany is definitely more affordable than Cartier with earrings and bracelets starting at around £100 whereas they start at about £500 at Cartier but, I have to say, I adore my Love bracelets so much.
SMALL LEATHER GOODS
I think these always make great gifts because cover such a wide price range. For high street you have online companies like HA Designs which sells customisable card holders and passport cases for around £25. For the mid-range you have Aspinal of London. Their card holders are around £50 and the passport cases slightly higher at £55. They also do leather travel wallets which I'm obsessed with because I have a tendency to lose where I've put things when I travel. And, again, these are all customisable with your initials for that extra special touch. If you want to go all out then pretty much all the high end brands do great pieces. I have this wallet from Saint Laurent and absolutely love it. It has slots for 12 cards but fits literally everything a girl could need in her purse.
ACCESSORIES
Now, this can be anything from something as small as a pair of slippers to a designer handbag and pretty much everything in between. Velvet bags are really on trend at the moment, and you could go all out and get the Gucci one everyone's been raving about. But, seeing as it is a trend piece, you probably don't want to pay that much money for one so I've found some cheaper, and just as gorgeous, alternatives. For example, this one comes in teal green and burgundy and is only £25. And then you have the heralded Gucci belt which I think is a good gift for someone who wants to get into the high-end designer world.
TECH
Ahh, this is probably my second favourite section of this gift guide after the beauty bit. There is so much cool tech stuff out there at the moment that you're literally spoilt for choice. Just a quick disclaimer, obviously, these gifts can be bought for the men in your life if you so desire. I'm not one to say that because a camera is pink it's for a girl. With Apple removing headphone jacks from their phones and just the general ease of not having to contend with wires, wireless headphones like these are a great option for a gift. They come in a variety of styles so there's something to suit everyone. A good charging dock is also an option. I for one know that I'm sick of my wires getting destroyed or lost so having a dock to set my phone up in is really handy. Capturing memories is always fun, so a camera, whether it be digital, polaroid or an action camera is another idea.
So, there we have it. My rundown of gift ideas for this Christmas season. I've tried to make this post as 'shoppable' as possible so you should be able to find links to everything I've mentioned. Do let me know, if you can, what you're thinking of buying for your loved ones this year.
*this post contains affiliate links
So today is my 23rd Birthday which means a. I'm most likely in the midst of a month long celebration of my life which I like to do every year and b. I can start getting stupidly excited about Christmas! This past year has definitely been one of learning and growing or, in the words of Kylie Jenner, 'realising stuff'. I remember when I was little I thought I'd have my life all figured out by the time I was 21. Oh how wrong I was. Navigating my way through adult/post-compulsory education life has been an absolute minefield so far and I don't see it getting any easier anytime soon but that's all part of the fun of life right?
Over time, I've become the kind of person who tries to take a lesson out of every situation, no matter how good or bad it may have seemed at the time. That way I rarely feel regret about a situation because it has taught me something valuable (and I say rarely because there obviously has been the odd situation I wish had never happened). So, I figured that, on my birthday, I'd share some of these lessons with you.
1. Transient friendships are very real and they're also perfectly normal. Friends will come and go and there's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes friendships end abruptly, sometimes they fizzle out and sometimes they last a lifetime.
2. Failure isn't the end of the world. In fact, failure can be just what you need to spur you on to achieve even better things.
3. Make the most out of every opportunity, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem at the time. Ask questions, show an interest and most importantly, get involved in everything. You never know when your dream opportunity will come knocking.
4. Outgrowing people is a fact of life. Everyone grows and matures a different rates and sometimes, for the sake of your own personal growth and wellbeing, you have to remove those people from your life who are holding you back.
5. What your family think is best for you might not actually be what's best for you. Your parents will always want you to take their advice but at some point you need to start making your own decisions, even if that means going against them. You know yourself better than anyone.
6. Comparison really is the thief of joy. I've spent so much of my life so far comparing myself to everyone. There was always someone who was prettier, smarter, more sociable than me. But I've come to realise that that didn't mean that I wasn't anything of those things. Everyone is on there own path and there's not point comparing your beginning to someones end.
7. Taking a risk is worth it. Obviously I don't mean the jumping out of a plane without a parachute kind of risk. More the 'pushing yourself out of your comfort zone' kind of risk. Embracing the challenge's that come with leaving your comfort zone makes life that much more interesting.
8. Nothing lasts forever. That applies to both good and bad times. So appreciate the good while they're there and don't let the bad weigh you down too much. They will pass.
9. Live in the moment. Stop worrying about the past and don't stress to much about the future.
10. If it makes you happy, do it.
11. Love yourself first. The sooner you put yourself first and everyone else second the happier you will be.
12. Don't bother trying to explain yourself to people who are committed to not understanding you.
13. You can't please everyone so don't even bother trying.
14. Having a bad day doesn't mean you have to have a bad week, month or year (hello Friends reference). Compartmentalise that day and start the next a fresh.
15. Don't go changing who you are to fit in with the crowd. Be proud to be obsessed with 'alternative' music. Own the fact that you hate the idea of clubbing and would rather spend your Saturday night tucked up on the sofa watching a good movie. Different strokes for different folks and all that.
16. Take as many pictures as is humanly possible. This is a massively superficial one but those pictures will bring back so many good memories when you look at them. I started scrapbooking all my old concert and theatre tickets and it's brilliant being able to look back and see what you were doing 5 years ago.
17. Stick at it, even when things get tough. Nothing great ever came easy.
18. Never rely on anyone other than yourself to give you happiness. People can come and go but a happy mindset is forever, even if it does take a lot of work achieving it.
19. Embrace new and different things. In my opinion, life would be extremely boring if you did the same thing day after day. Say yes to that spontaneous trip, order that weird looking dish at a restaurant and go and see that show your friend recommended.
20. Be selfish with your time and your energy. If you don't want to go somewhere, don't. If you're feeling mentally drained, take some me time.
21. Leading on from number 20, self-care is extremely important. That can be something as small as taking 5 minutes out of your day to do some meditation, having a candlelit bath on a Sunday or taking those extra 5 minutes to do your makeup. Or it can be as big as having a social media free month/3 months.
22. You can't solve everyones problems so don't bother trying. I've been the emotional crutch for all my family members and a lot of my friends at some points in time and it drained me. I was dealing with my own stuff and then their stuff on top pushed me to the brink of a mental breakdown. Your mental health is extremely important and it's okay to step away and say 'you know what, I don't need to be hearing or dealing with this'.
23. And, finally, fake it till you make it. I'm definitely up there as one of the least confident people but it's amazing what faking confidence can do. Eventually you start to blur the lines between faking it and actually being confident. When you're in a crap mood, smile. Trick the brain into thinking you are happy and everything starts to seem a little bit better.
That was a long one, but I had a lot I needed to get off my chest! Let me know if you've experienced anything similar or if you have lessons you'd like to add yourself.
Seeing as it's the beginning of a new month (which I'm stupidly excited about because Winter is almost here), I thought I'd let you in on what I've been listening to recently. To say my music taste is varied would be a gross understatement and I'm not quite sure how I've managed to narrow it down to five, but these are what I've had on repeat for most of August.
1. Numb/Encore - Jay-Z and Linkin Park
With the recent passing of lead singer Chester Bennington, I've been listening to Linkin Park a lot more recently. They were the soundtrack to my early teenage years and I continued to listen to them sporadically until this very day. I was fortunate enough to get to see them perform live a few years back and it was insane. This song meant so much to me when I was younger. The line 'I'm tired of being what you what me to be' couldn't have resonated more with a 13 year old me who was trying desperately to please her parents but was so unhappy within herself. I've had pretty much all there songs on repeat but this is definitely one of my favourites.
2. Shakira ft Maluma - Chantaje
With Despacito having taken the world by storm this summer, I am so happy to see Reggaeton and Latin American music becoming more appreciated on a global scale. My love for it started aroung 5 years ago and has only gotten stronger and stronger. And while literally everyone and their mother has been bopping to it, my favourite song of the summer has to be Chantaje. Shakira is everything I aspire to be in life and Maluma's voice is gorgeous (as well as his face).
3. Thunderstruck -AC/DC
I want this song to be the soundtrack to my life. Simple as. No matter how old it gets it's still absolutely awesome. I have my dad to thank for my love for rock music. He has such a varied music taste and I grew up listening to everything he listened to. And it's definitely a dream of mine to see them perform this song live.
4. Unforgettable - French Montana
I absolutely hated this song when it first came out. Then it was on my Spotify Gym playlist and I heard it at least twice a day for two weeks before realising it was an absolute banger. It's very Drake-esque without being Drake and I love it.
5. Dance With You - Machal Montano and Mr Vegas
Growing up with Caribbean born parents meant that I had the pleasure of being exposed to Calypso and Soca music pretty much from birth. And this is one of my favourite songs from those genres. It's one of those songs that, no matter what mood I'm in, I can't help but get up and dance when I hear it.
So, they're the five songs I've been loving this past month. I'm thinking of perhaps making this a monthly feature on here where I update you on what music I'm loving and perhaps link to my favourite Spotify playlists. I'd love to know what songs you've been listening to recently so let me know!
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